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Monday, September 18
Nap time...
I am such a slacker. I just went to best buy and bought some CDs, ate some lunch (all by myself, which I can't believe I was able to get through), and now I am going to lay down for a while until it's time to get ready for work tonight. I heard from PC this morning. It was nice to talk to him. But he's so over me, it hurts pretty bad. I guess that's a guy thing. Jason said it's just a gift guys have that they can just shut it off and not feel any more about it. I wish I had that. No, wait. I don't. The pain makes me remember that I'm alive. And if I hadn't loved him so very very much, then I wouldn't hurt so bad. So the pain is actually a direct proportion of the love I put into that relationship. Which was a LOT. So at least knowing I'm in THIS MUCH pain helps me know that I was truly in love. BUT since it's over I have to work on feeling better and hoping I can make myself a better person. Learn from the mistakes of this relationship and all. You know. Blah, blah, blah. Okay, I'm going to lay down. Nitey-nite.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
panic, panic, la la la
So I did some more outprocessing today. Fun. I was on my way back to my house when I started having a mild panic attack, and then I got a text from PC. Premonition? I have my appointment with Larry the Therapist today, I hope to get some advice on how to keep these attacks at bay. My heart just pounds and I get really sick to my stomach and I can't stand myself. Maybe if I took my medication a little more regularly. It's an anti-anxiety med and I'm supposed to take it twice a day. I am trying to remember to take it, but it's hard. I should set up a reminder on my phone or something. Ugh. I feel like crap. I'm going to go lay down for a bit before my appointment. Maybe Larry the Therapist will help me. Maybe I should start seeing him more often than once a week, I am pretty effed up. We shall see. Anyway, over and out for now.
Tune in next week to find out how Larry was able to help.
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