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Thursday, September 28
Funston, Cavalcade Road, and "Much Too Young"
There is a God and he's laughing at me...
Why is it everywhere I go I see something that reminds me of him?
I wonder if it's like that for him, too
Thursday, September 28
all my girls in the rainbow cadillacs... yeah
Today is my last day in the Air Force. I turned in all my paperwork and they will have my discharge paper ready for me on Halloween. Very exciting.
I went to see Larry again today. He applauded my first step and he said that I seem much more grounded and in control today than I was the last few times I saw him. I can gauge my progress in tissues... how many tissues did I cry and snot all over in the last two weeks? At least 10-15 per session. Guess how many I used today? GO ON GUESS! None.
I've been "sober" for almost 44 hours. This afternoon I can say "two days." I am doing so much better. And I think being able to say "Wait, you want to call him? But you've gone 44 hours, you can go another hour, right? Then see if you want to call him" is really helping me because the reality of it is after that hour, no I don't. I don't deserve to be lied to and cheated on. I am only missing the man I wanted him to be, or the man he presented to me, the lie. (as Cindy said, I miss Joe Don's best friend that wrote "Days of Our Lives" and got crushed by a tractor on his way to have my engagement ring sized for the third time... all lies) Not the man he really was. Anyway, we've been through that... I'm just saying that I'm feeling better.
I am going to dinner tonight with friends. Tomorrow night I work but I'm going out for margaritas afterward with K Ry and Cindy, which we haven't done in FOREVER. I will be giving my phone to a friend so as to avert my urge to drunk text. I feel like I've finally taken control of something in my life. I was always relying on other people. I feel like I've finally just taken the wheel and I'm going to steer this thing somewhere... even if it's not the exact right path, at least I'm steering it myself for once.
Comments are now OPEN! Feel free to comment about your breakups or my breakups or anything else these posts bring up for you!